Well, time passed and I’d been a member of the church for about six months. God has shown me so much and I’m enjoying the ride. One night I had a dream about some children who were alone and afraid. In the dream there was one particular little boy, about 7 or 8 years old. He was crying and I tried to comfort him. He said that he was afraid and didn’t want me to leave him. I promised that I would stay with him and do what I could to help. Then lots of other children ran over and I found myself trying to help all of them. I didn’t understand what that dream meant but I had a feeling that God was about to do something concerning children and myself.

The setting of the dream was in the church. I decided to make an appointment with the pastor and tell him, thinking that maybe the Lord would reveal to him what the dream meant. Well, I met with the pastor that Tuesday evening upstairs in his office. The choir was rehearsing downstairs in the sanctuary. I felt very nervous, this was the first time I had ever met with a pastor and I didn’t know what to expect. I knew he was an anointed man of God and I kept thinking about Daniel and other Bible characters as they went before the king. Not that I looked at him as a king, but this just describes how I felt. I had never been close to him before other than he passing by when he walked down the aisle at church after service. I’d said hi to him before, but I said it so low that I know he didn’t hear me. I was so very shy, timid, and afraid to make eye contact with other people. Because I had very low self-esteem, I didn’t think that anything I said or did mattered to anyone.

Anyway, here I am, going to talk with the pastor. I knocked softly on the door several times. Finally I got up enough nerve to knock a little harder, a little too hard, and he opened the door quickly. Scaring me even more. He smiled and welcomed me in apologizing for startling me. We sat and I told him about the dream. I told him that I didn’t understand exactly what it meant. I had remembered reading a scripture in the Bible that said we are to confess our faults one to another. I thought it meant that once I got saved, I was supposed to tell the pastor about my life before I met Jesus. So, since I was there, I told him about my past and the major things that I had faced. We talked a little more and I began to feel a little more comfortable. He then stood up and I followed realizing this was the end of the meeting. That wasn’t so bad, a piece of cake. What was I so afraid of?

Then he stood in front of me and I was all ready to join hands with him and pray. As I stood with my eyes closed waiting, I felt something on my mouth. I quickly opened my eyes to find him touching my lips with his tongue; he then started trying to put his tongue in my mouth. What on earth was going on? This was the church, he was a man of God, he was used mightily of God during the services. I’ve seen God heal and save many through his ministry. Why was this happening to me? This is supposed to be different. Why didn’t someone warn me about him? Surely he was doing this to other women, or was he? What now? What am I supposed to do now? Where am I supposed to go? How could this happen in the church?

I had never heard of this before. The church was supposed to be a ‘safe place.’ How could this be? Millions of thoughts flooded my mind. I was afraid to run. Who could I tell? Who would believe me? They’d say I was lying. They’d hate me for starting rumors. Who could I trust? All I knew was that I needed to get away from there as fast as I could. I wanted God to explain this to me. I thought I was safe now. I thought all of that ‘nasty stuff’ was in the past, washed away by the blood of Jesus. I thought that my life would be different. I thought that the violation of my body was over. What had I done to make this follow me? I was devastated. I wanted to go far away. I never wanted to enter this place again. I wanted to walk away from all that I had learned about the church. I saw that I had been lied to, that this wasn’t a ‘safe place.’ There were so many thoughts flooding my mind. I was crushed. My eyes flooded with tears but I refused to cry. It didn’t faze him, he kissed me and when he stopped I just said "thank you for taking the time to meet with me but I have to leave now." As I was about to go down the stairs, he called out to me and said that he was going to talk to the brother in charge of the children’s ministry and tell him that I’ll be helping out. I wanted to say No! Don’t you realize what just happened? Can’t you see how you’ve hurt me? Do you really expect me to come back here again? But none of that came out, I only nodded and got out of there, fighting to hold back the tears that tried so desperately to fall. The choir was still rehearsing as I left.